Top Ten Signs You’re a Christian Nut-Job
- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
- You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. You also feel that the fact that evolution is called a theory means that it is not real, guess what folks here are a few more theories for you: Gravity, Plate Tectonics, Global Warming. Yes they are all as real and as supported by 200 years of modern science and the smartest people who ever lived on this planet. The Bible was written thousands of years ago by guys in robes who used their hands to wipe their asses. Which group are we going to trust.
- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. There is only ONE god, he goes by the name God, or the holy ghost, or Jesus, but there is only one, wait a minute is polytheism right or wrong I am confused.
- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees! Never mind the fact that for 2000 years Christians have been waging war and murdering all who stand in their way. Anyone ever hear of the Crusades or the Inquisition? Pick up a damn history book you ignorant fool.
- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. These ‘wise’ authors of the bible still believed that the earth was flat and the center of the universe, not to mention the fact that they believed women were inferior, slavery was not only a good idea but recommend, selling your daughter as a sex slave was your right as a father, and that the best way to deal with lawbreakers was beating them to death with stones. Yes, I think they were perfectly well qualified to figure out the age of the earth. Today’s Carbon dating technology and thousands upon thousands of scientist who have devoted their lives to studying the age of the earth are obviously getting it all wrong.
- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
- You actually think that the Bible is a moral code handed down by god to tell you how to live. Somehow the 80% of the bible that talks about ridiculous Bronze Age laws of how to beat your slaves, how much you must pay someone if you rape their daughter, and when it is okay to murder almost anyone for any reason such as adultery, cursing, fortune telling, lying, pre-martial sex, or just being a different race or religion than you is somehow overlooked as being dated and okay to ignore.
- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You actually consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
- You actually know a lot less than many atheists do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.
Any intelligent person who was really knowledgeable about the History of the Bible and the History of the Church would be far too embarrassed to call themselves a Christian even if they still did believe in God. Christianity is for the ignorant, the uneducated, and the mentally challenged.
Science and Technology have been paving the way towards the future for hundreds of years, and for hundreds of years religion has done all it can to stop it from happening. From the persecution of Copernicus, Galileo, and Newton to the modern day nut-jobs who are against stem cell research because they are too stupid to look it up on Wikipedia to find out what it really is, Religion has fought progress. NO MORE! We must stand up against the nut jobs and make them too embarrassed to admit they believe their stupid fairy tale anymore. Let this be the generation that common sense takes over and religion becomes an embarrassing cult that it should be. Every society in the history of the planet has made up its own creation myth. It is time we accept the Christian creation myth, and the ridiculous bible that goes with it, to be just as stupid as all the rest of them.
It is okay for us to admit that we don’t know how we got here and that we don’t know where we are going.
*- Good luck does not apply to the lottery, Vegas, picking up strange women in bars, or Professional Rock/Paper/Scissor competitions.
**- If you were offended by this list than you are one of the nut-jobs.
via Nut Job Top Ten.
